The onset of vacations is a surrealistic experience. Not
only is it something that is awaited for and dreamt about for the better part of
the previous month but in cases of an isolated campus like mine, its a mind
twisting, dramatic experience.
The hype surrounding the last working day lived upto, the
last night on campus survived, the train ride to the city in a coach so packed
that several seniors spend their last train ride home standing, completed and
then begins the wait for the flight to a place so different that it seems like
another world.
The first day at home, I wake up lost and take few seconds
to reestablish my bearings, the next few
days at home are spent sleeping, eating and generally doing nothing, a hangover
from the last few days on campus spent in frantic preparation for exams, trips,
farewells et al. The next thing I know,
I lose all track of time and college memories as I spend all my waking time
planning for the next event to attend or the next person to meet. The first day
at college is as dramatic a shift and all memory of what I did at home is lost and
all focus shifts to events on campus which drives me to the central theme of
this post.
In what context do I define myself?
The context with which I associate myself, my friends, the
place I stay, the food I eat, even what I think about, they all undergo a
marked transformation at the start/end of the vacation. At any given time, I
find myself in only one of the places and the other feels like a dream I just
woke up from, with only memories to remind me of it. If I were to lie down in
bed and try to distinguish between memories of a vivid dream and an old memory,
I couldn't.
What are memories really? Connections of neurons in my
brain? Neurobiologically yes. In effect though, they are more than that, they
define me, they are what I use to make sense of my surroundings and to
establish a context on which I can frame my reasoning.
“Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children I suppose. But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can’t face them, we deny reason itself! Although, why not? We aren't contractually tied down to rationality! There is no sanity clause! So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there’s always madness. Madness is the emergency exit… you can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever.”
-Joker
With memories being indistinguishable from dreams and thoughts being based on what are called memories, I wonder
How much of what we
are is defined by what we dream and how little by our own past?
Are we as much
products of our own imagination as we are of our previous actions and thoughts?
Do we learn in our
dreams?
How different then is
the waking world from the imaginary world of our dreams?
Do let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
